I had managed to convince Jason to come to my room for the whole planning part. Soon we were called for dinner and I started panicking. I didn’t know what was there to welcome us on the table but the part that mom and dad could start a fight between Jason and Mike was excruciating. My heart started to ache, my vision started blackening and I started to plead to my heart to keep the ache to itself and not spread across me. I mustered up the strength to go down. I didn’t race down as usual but kept my pace slow and steady. When I reached the dining table my family had already prayed and started eating but Mike waited for me. I went up quickly and Mike prayed with me. We ate as little as possible exchanging glances over the table but to my surprise Jason and Mike actually gave each other the twisted smiles.
I felt a spark of success within myself as I had managed to get them together again (hopefully). Dinner seemed to drag long as the discussion of the game couldn’t end and I could see that both Jason and Mike weren’t comfortable as they had agreed with me for no discussion of this topic. We aren’t allowed to leave table until our parents leave. I sat there feeling the pain of my heart of pumping blood. I looked at my deoxygenated palm as it turned bluer. It was freaking me out now but I had to keep it to myself.
“Whatever happens, don’t loose hope, a better game will come for one of you in a week or two but don’t forget this is more important” warned my dad as he got up and I gave out a sigh as we could go back to where we belonged today. We belonged as brothers and sisters not villain and the superhero with the girl. I rushed up the stairs choking myself with fresh oxygen and gasped for air. I reframed myself and wiped the tears that were caused of the choking.
. . .
The dim slanting yellow light came from the slightly open door and I blinked my eyes atleast five times to clearly see who is was. Jason. He was smiling mischievously and I jumped to and demanded to know what he had done but thankfully nothing that came between us. I flashed my eyes to the clock and it read 3:04AM. I started shaking mike to get up but he didn’t seem to budge, he was sleeping peacefully but breathing steadily.
“You go get the card. I’ll order the pizza and wake him up” I managed to say through my dry throat.
“No way am I doing that…. Very finely madam will sit here and order the pizza and I’ll do the hard part. Very funny. Just because I agreed with everything doesn’t grant this.” He said too quickly which took me few seconds to register.
“Then I’m not going either…” I too said quickly. We both looked towards mike and then to each other. The same thing was written on our faces and we both jumped on Mike.
He rubbed his eyes and scratches his eyes and finally managed to say:-
“What?!? The pizza isn’t here. Oh! Man I thought it was here….” He groaned and told us groggily.
“Oh I’m sorry prince of laziness but I thought this was your idea and we feel you go get the credit card.” Jason demanded with a hint of agony in his voice.
He flipped his sheets and jumped out in the spirit of winning.
I thought about how the wallet is placed on the dresser and dad talks and snores while he sleep and the softest voice can wake the sensitive sleeper (mom). We walked across the hallway and suddenly Mike made us stop and he continued to walk. He tiptoed (a little too dramatically) and slowly twisted the door knob. He looked at us and I could see the beads of tension tickling down his forehead. He went in and my breathing had probably stopped but I seemed to live for more than 10 seconds.
“Do you think he would be caught?” Jason asked as he fixed his hair.
“I hope not” I answered. Soon I got a text and my phone vibrated. I had forgotten that I was clenching my phone too tightly.
Thr r 2 crds….which 1
I went and peeped in the room and I actioned to bring both the cards. He picked up the wallet and tried to act professional by sliding into his back pocket and he drops the phone. Jason is laughing his heart and I and Mike are standing there in shock. I quickly actioned him to bring the room keys too. He followed me obediently and pulled the drawer and snuck the keys and came out as he pulled the behind him without realizing that he pulled it too hard, Mike realized it when the door banged on its frame.
I had completely lost my temper but controlled it till I locked the door, Jason was still laughing vigorously. I and Milky just gave a confused look.
“You both are morons…. They both are not even in their room” and continued to burst with laughter. I felt stupid but he could have been joking but the loudness of his laugh explained he wasn’t joking.
Mike looked at him so soulfully and probably thinking of the tension and hard work that went off.
The thought of the match tomorrow was making me dizzy but the thought of me being next to Mike was the only thought that made me feel determined to stay strong till tomorrow. I knew I was weakening from the inside more of collapsing than weakening…….. I wasn’t happy how my heart wasn’t in this feat with me…. This is the time I needed it, but my heart would betray me of pumping the correct proportion of the blood it was supposed to pump……. I had a heart disease from birth…. I was a blue baby as far as they call it, my body contained more de-oxygenated blood than it should. When I get nervous my stop staggers even more but I couldn’t let this reason get to Mike.
He watched me carefully noticing every twitch on my face.
“It’s alright, you don’t have to come if you are unable to” Mike tried to cheer me up.
“ I’m fine and I will come and don’t even try that with me, even if I am lying in the hospital bed I will come somehow or the other” I scolded him for judging my capacity though I knew he was right.
“If you are on the hospital bed I won’t even play the game let the scholarship go” he shrieked at thought of me lying on a hospital bed.
“Let’s do crazy something tonight …. Like the one we did when mom and dad had gone to Paris for their passport work” Mike told me.
“Ordering pizza and three tubs of ice cream at 3 AM and pay all this from dad’s credit card again?” I asked horrified, we had already done this 4 years back and we also got in trouble but that was the last time (as far as I remember) we all three did something together. I wanted to do it but I also knew all the consequences but I flashed an ear to ear smile in agreement.
“But remember we won’t include Jason and he shouldn’t know about this.” he warned me anger and ego in his eyes but a small part of missing Jason in this party was showing in his eyes too.
“Why can’t you both understand that we are a family and the basketball thing shouldn’t affect it’ I asked.
“Fine bring him in, but just do you know if he comes I’m out of here” he threatened me.
“I’ll give you a deal, I convince him for this party and you will behave and I will also take the responsibility for nuisance” I demanded.
“Fine but if he does anything to you, you can’t stop me there” he agreed. I gave a twitch for an agreement.
I inhaled a bit of warm air and requested my heart to be with me and with I knocked. I waited for Jason’s reply and soon he said “If it’s you Mike then be my guest for more beating up and if its mom, dad or bubby then feel free to accompany me”. I meekly opened the door and peeked inside to actually examine the state of the room. He was sitting in a corner as if he knew it was me maybe because Mike wouldn’t bother knocking. It was hard overcoming the feeling that some years ago, all three of us used to play monopoly together in the corner where Jason was sitting. He smiled acknowledging the fact I came to console him too. There has also been fights for who bubby loved the most.
“I’m not going to punch you, so don’t freak out” he muttered. I looked all around their room and saw all those small things which were sometimes our favorite thing for an instance the remote control car which sat on top of the bookshelf. After collecting all those memories I sat down beside Jason. He was never bad to me but somehow I couldn’t share everything with him but that didn’t make his love for me any less.
“Why are you both behaving like dogs?” I tried to sound confident but I couldn’t. Again.
“Me and a dog please… Go tell you favorite brother who causes all this” HE shouted.
“Let’s not fight tonight. Just for tonight, let’s be bubby, milky and jazz once again.” I tried to explain him. I loved our nicknames we gave each other.
“We’re not like that anymore bubby, we all have changed and we can’t go back now”
“But one night can’t you both be like brothers or what?”
“Fine but I already know the plan” he told me. I gave him a very confused look.
“What? I was eavesdropping” he confessed.
I came back to my room with butterflies in my stomach and ringing ears. The room smelled sweet now so I went over to the window and blew each candle secretly making a wish.
“He said no right? See I told you” he smirked.
“Actually he has agreed with everything” I told him as if I had done a great achievement.
He didn’t believe me but as I started to talk about how we were going to take our dad’s credit card and everything he actually was amazed as to how I had managed to convince Jason.
To be continued. Again……….
I lit my pumpkin and cinnamon candle across my window sill as I heard the shouts and punches downstairs. I had just been sent up from watching my brother fight. Again. It wasn’t anything new but today and now it was serious. I wanted to go back down because it felt as if the presence of me cooled the situation.
Suddenly there was a knock and I quickly reframed my face and concentrated on lighting the candles. My second eldest brother Jason entered the room and slumped himself on the bed. I was too scared to look at him or the situation my eldest brother made of him. I slowly cornered my eyes to him and saw him staring at an open space. This wasn’t good. I turned towards him and saw red liquid trails from his nose sliding down the corner of his lips. I started to walk towards him thinking he wouldn’t notice but he flashed his face up causing me freeze.
“Don’t be scared. It was as usual, mom and dad supported him and I got beaten up” Jason muttered. “It’s never fair.. Why don’t they see whats wrong or right? I mean don’t they try to understand me or is the game already fixed?”
” it’s ok.. I also see they don’t judge equally but don’t feel bad. It happens to me too. We are both in this together. Let him do it tomorrow. Let him win. Let’s see if he feels better by putting you down and if he does don’t let it get to you” I tried and motivate him though I felt a rush of anger as to why mom and dad treat him unequally. It was the same for me too.
Jason fell backward and layer calmly on the bed as I watched his expression change. Tomorrow was the famous basketball game which they had been fighting for quite a while. My parents wanted Mike (my eldest brother) to win but both Jason and Mike were being judged and as per this judging they will get a scholarship. I loved both of them dearly but Mike was a lot more closer to me. He was the person I told everything and anything. He too did the same and maybe for this Jason was jealous. Me and Mike had a discussion on this topic but didn’t come to a proper conclusion.
Mike got up and sat and till that time I had brought some cotton for his wound. I cleaned it up while he muttered about mom, dad and Jason. They never let us down but I front of Jason we seemed to be nothing. Jason and Mike were twins with 6minutes and 37 seconds difference(yes I had remembered as they have mentioned it so many time in their fights). And I was five years younger than them but it wasn’t hard feeling their place.
“I’ll go change and come back …. I seriously don’t want to sit with that moron” Mike informed me as if it was the first time hearing it.
He shut the door and I turned back to the window trying to think out a solution which would calm Mike. But the swung open and my heart raced as I knew who it was. Jason.
“Tomorrow if you don’t take my side… Your life will be cut short a few decades” he belted out.
“You shouldn’t be so hard on Mike…. We all know you are capable of everything but you also have to,accept that Mike is also capable of it and sometimes a little more than you”I tried to sound confident but I knew my voice was wobbling at some points.
He tried hard to convince me but I was determined to support Mike throughout this basketball issue. He came back with glistened drop of water through the ends of his hair and a towel hung around his neck.
Mike never forced me to pick sides or choose him over Jason neither did he have any problems with Jason but it was the start of this school session when the basketball coach announced there were scholarships being awarded. It was a coincident when the thought of getting scholarship popped into their heads. From then on this was the scene every evening.
“Why does your room smell sweet a bit spicy too?” Mike asked
“It’s probably the candles you gifted me on my birthday” I quickly said but I too wondered how I remembered it was the candles only. It was awkward as to how I was keeping track of different thing simultaneously. He smiled back, a twisted curled and an anxious smile which I knew ver we’ll. the smile which told “don’t fall down I am there with you”. He told me that when he 10. I knew what was going within him but he didn’t want that thought to spoil the mood.
He looked around my room, he hasn’t been in my room since a long time. His expressions were changing at some corners and spaces as he remembered the same memories I did. He smiled back knowing what i was thinking but I didn’t have word to talk. He wanted to talk but we just let silence do our speaking. His eyes sparkled with water when he saw the trio picture of us and the casket full of memories along with that…… It was magical again…. This feeling was something I hadn’t felt in a time but I felt it coming back for a lot more wild fun thing we used to do
To be continued…….
Pushing my way through the line of adults I came up to the bed…… I stood up on my toes to peep on to the bed…. There laid someone even more fragile and smaller than me – the first time I saw my sister… I still have those memories clear especially the one when I asked my mom can we play catch and make my sister the ball……..
Little did I know that she was going to turn into my beloved friend and my bitterest rival, my sustainer and my dependent, my confidante and my betrayer but scariest of all my equal. We have known each other for 13 years now….. A long time know someone but each new day I find a new quality in her. She has changed my life from the day she came into my life- 4th may 2004.
That day I felt older, I felt stronger, and I felt bigger and most of all I felt more responsible…. She changed me north to south and I never regret it. There are many things to her… some better than me, some like me and some worse than me …… through these 13 years we have made legendary fights to remember, memories to laugh at and happiness to share…. No matter how much we fight we will stay as close as hands and feet…
I sat on the window sill which was covered with glory drops of first monsoon. I have always loved the rain….. The thought of sitting quietly under light blanket and read your favorite book while it pours out outside is just very welcoming. Unexpectedly today I wasn’t reading a book or chatting with my friends. It was something different that felt to do to think about something very seriously….
I was thinking of about the next day……it was something serious. The next day I had to go to the hospital to check on my friend- my best friend. She was suffering from typhoid. I didn’t see her for a month… A month is a long time to recover from typhoid. Every week I visited her she seemed to have worsen. Day by day her cheekbones were defining and her weight decreasing….. I felt sorry for her but sorry wasn’t the correct expression for this. I felt something more and sorrowful.
I was disturbed by the incoming force of water droplets. I wanted to go out and wet but I was reluctant to it. It was a different emotion I was representing that day. Just then I realized a drop or two leaked out from my eyes probably smudging my eyeliner which she brought for me. The left sleeve of my black polka dotted shirt was wet now….
I slipped down from the sill and went to my desk. Above that was a collage of me and her and our 7 years of friendship….. Yes we were friends from the age of 11 and now we are both 18-adults.
If anything happened to her it wouldn’t be easy to forget about her and her presence in my life. I wanted to go back to the days when we sneaked out of our houses and went to the park to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve. The days when we participated in each other annual day just because we wanted free periods. Eventually I realized I was reviving these thoughts by looking at the collage.
I had grown a lot closer to her in this span of one month. I wanted to let her know that I would miss her a lot if anything happened to her. I had other friends but she was a little special. She wasn’t the prettiest girl in the town but she wasn’t bad. Her waist length brown hair framed her round face perfectly and her liquid brown-ish hazel eyes were adorned by her long curly eyelashes. Her proportioned (a little healthy) body suited any clothes.
The sound of water splashing on the porch disturbed me and my thoughts. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. There was a lump in my throat which was gradually increasing.
The sweet smell of wet mud attracted me so much that I sprinted down the stairway and dashed outside my warm house. The feeling of a wet sweatshirt on my warm feverish body was helping me over my grief.
I was crying but no one could see it, I felt my warm tears rolling on the curves of my cheeks with the help of the raindrops.
The wind was blowing a bit hard and I decided to go inside the house. I went up to my room and had a boiling hot water shower… My top knot bun was causing me a headache but I was drowning in my thoughts too much and decided not pull it out. I decided to read my favorite book – P.S I Love You but I wasn’t paying much attension when I started reading it. The moments were passing slowly and each moment made think of a memory of her. It was difficult overcoming the thought of her tests.
Her tests decided if she would live or pass away. I was getting too worried maybe but it wasn’t anything I could control then. I wanted to cuddle my teddy and go sleep but I guess my sleep was my enemy too. I remembered that she told me to bring her dress I borrowed for my farewell in high school.
I reluctantly went to my closet and searched for the dress but a small piece of paper fell out or should I say quite a few of small pieces. I picked them up and opened one……….
It was our note passing, I suddenly remembered our notes and our stupid talk during boring lectures of history. It made me smile…..
After I had found the dress I decided to go check on her.. I was getting too worried.
The cab took me to the hospital as quick as possible. I met her doctor on the way to her ward.
“The tests came out two hours ago” Dr.Matthew said
“I-Is sh-she alright” I managed to say
“There seems to be a minor complication but I assure you it’s nothing serious as our crew expected, by the means of medicine and treatment she should be discharged by this Friday” he explained. I was more than overwhelmed and surprised, I was losing myself into my thoughts -agin!
“Thank you so much” I wanted to say more but I wanted to see her.
I reached her ward and she looked at me more eagerly than usual. I went up to her and hugged her tightly. She was anxious but I assured her that everything is going to be more than successful. She tried to grasp my words and I knew she needed rest so I decided to leave.
Driving my way home I realized that 98% of what we expect to happen never happens.
That day I learned some thing- not to worry without any cause….. If any things happens now it will be for the good…….
My lungs are bursting, they are trying to grasp more air than they can fit. I am panting and I am tired, my heart is beating much more than it should. I am tired of running in the blind alleys of social networking sites to find my Mr.Charming. I have lost to myself, I have never felt the urge of finding someone to rely on. It was past this summer that I developed this new hobby of finding someone to be mine.
The thought of not being perfect for anyone is agitating. It’s making my day longer and nights sleepless. Has anyone tried to know the inner person in me? Or they just make up their mind my seeing my dark complexioned face? I have never given much thought about my complexion nor my fat legs. This seems like a problem now. It’s never exciting to pick out your imperfections but I have always believed that my imperfections make me special. Now that belief is starting to shake and being a toothpick figured person is becoming my destination.
A part of me still shudders on the thought of getting a boyfriend but more than half of me is determined to find one. It is funny how my friend who have boyfriends feel that love it bullshit but I am confused on the thought of love. I sometimes feel I am cheating on love by trying to forcibly find someone.
My mind has tried to settle on the thought of reading love stories and quench my thirst of finding someone like Romeo. It is also difficult to read about other people and their love. It’s seems to me that they are bragging about themselves but it’s not true, they have given a simple explanation of love through their gestures. Sometimes when you see people falling for one another it so self explanatory but when you give it a try yourself it is as good as biting an apple without teeth.
Why is love so difficult? Or have I just made the formula a little complicated?